What does a trademark nerd do at Thanksgiving time? This one searched the Patent and Trademark Office trademark database for turkey trademarks. Good times! I learned some interesting things from the turkey trademark records, and I think that some might amuse you. ( ® denotes marks that are registered; ™ denotes marks that were, but no longer are, registered)

More than 80 years ago, someone adopted the trademark Turkey Joints® for candy. I’d never heard of such candy, but now I am eager to try it. Brazil nuts, milk chocolate, chocolate liquor, vanilla, and sugar. What could be better? Well, in 2012 they introduced Chocolate Covered Turkey Joints®. Just got to get me some.

I found something that disturbed me: Down in North Carolina, Sarid M. Shefet makes something that he describes as “Pieces of Turkey Flavored non-GMO Soy Protein Concentrate.”

There are a lot of TM’s on this label. Taste the Similarities!® and Tastes Like Turkey® both seem to be optimistic. Improved Nature® seems, well, debatable. I’ve tasted turkey from nature. Soy Much Better!® is just cheesy, and I do not understand PrimeProTex®. I think that Dixie USA’s trademark for its soy based meat substitute is snappier, and it is more direct: Turkey (NOT!)®. There are two more that I like in this space: Tofurky® and Unturkey™. But let’s move on.

Some folks think that the magic happens while the bird is cooking and there are some interesting products to make it easier. You might not even know that you need these things to cook a turkey properly. You’ve got your Turkey Cannon® cylindrical holder for supporting a fowl in a roasting pan. And don’t get caught in the kitchen at Thanksgiving without your Turkey Tuckers™ elastic poultry fasteners. Turkey Bath® brines and marinades will make that bird delicious. And how can you roast a turkey with an oven that doesn’t have a Perfect Turkey® turkey cooking function – with single button activation?